Missing: One Earthly Daddy

I've been a single mother for a majority of my son's life. I've certainly seen my fair share of struggles but, my son has seen more than his. We've all seen and heard the statistics. We've read the articles, heard what the world has had to say. Our children, especially our boys, are getting lost in the shuffle because our men didn't step up to the plate. I thank God for my husband who has. He's stepped up twice...to his plate and to the plate of my son.

I'm going to simply tell you what's in my heart. I'm not concerned, at this point, with what people think about my feelings or with what I have to say. I am, quite frankly, a mother who has struggled, with life and unforgiveness, for quite some time.

My son's father hasn't really been consistent or active. He's had verbal contact with my son but hasn't seen him in years. He gets him gifts on birthdays and Christmas. When my son talks to him on the phone, it's always superficial...usually about sports or a video game.

As a mother, I'd give my life for my child and, figuratively, I have many times. It has been rough holding a position that I was never built to handle. I was never qualified to be my son's father but, the anointing I had to be his mother superseded the physical condition.

There were times when I hated my son's father. I hated him for being selfish, for being free. I hated him because he didn't have to face the same challenges or walk in the same shoes that I did. I hated him because it wasn't fair. I gave up what he refused to. I gave up enough for me and him. I would forgive him and then, he'd do something else and I'd feel like Peter asking Jesus, "How many times? How many time must I forgive him?"

There were many prayers that I would whisper, speak, even scream. I can remember times when I'd cry out to God asking him, "What else could you want from me? I've given up everything I have." I'd see my son suffering, missing out on what he rightfully deserved. I was fighting for child support when I should've been fighting for emotional and spiritual support. I would pray over my child, binding up whatever generational curse was set against him. See, his father's father wasn't there either.

Oh, but GOD! God has always been there for my child. My baby is such a good boy. He's respectful and smart and he's one of the joys of my life. I thank God for never leaving or forsaking us. I praise him for his almighty hand being all over our lives.

I wanted to speak directly to the missing earthly daddy's. Your child needs you. Your child needs to know that you are there to support them and that you love them. They need you to need them. If your child is a boy, he needs you to approve of him and be proud of him. If your child is a girl, she needs you to say she is pretty and to be the first man in her life. God will always be there for them, it's time that you do the same. Will you do the same?

Are you pregnant?

So, you know you gotta go to the gym when not one, not two, but three people ask you in a period of a week if you are pregnant. I am a newlywed so, usually people look for what the "next step" should be and to add to that, I have gained about fifteen pounds. I joined a gym anyway. But, that's not the point of this blog.

Some would describe me as a dedicated, loyal, and committed person. And to other people, I usually am. I can honestly say that I haven't always been that way and have left some pretty disappointed people in my wake. One of those people...is me. I crack me up being able to keep a promise to someone else and will consistently falter on the ones that I make to myself. Why? Because if I don't keep a promise to myself, no one will know it but me. Little did I know that I was actually holding me accountable.

On December 28th of last year, I made a promise to myself (and to the gym that deducts their membership fee from my bank account every month): I will go to the gym, when I can, and work out as hard as I can. My goal wasn't to lose any weight or to get rid of this eleven-going-on-twelve-year-old baby pooch. It wasn't to build muscle or to tone up, even though that's what I told my trainer. My goal was to merely do something different so that I can expect something different.

See, what I haven't told you is that diabetes, cancer, and hypertension run in my family. I have been what most would consider to be thin all my life. I, like most Americans, equated thin with healthy. I couldn't have been further from the truth. I was lethargic, anemic, and was a borderline diabetic. I kept promising myself that I would start running, biking, walking, dancing, skipping, rolling, hopping, jumping, something so that I can be healthy, or even healthier. I would quote scripture about health and rebuke the devil. I just knew that neither I or my children would be affected by any ailment that preceded me. I was going to break the curse...from my couch with my pint sized ice cream watching Netflix. Yeah, I know...bogus.

So, as of yesterday, I have kept a promise to myself for first time in as long as I can remember, for the past three weeks. I've gone to the gym at least twice a week. I haven't lost weight (well, 1.5 pounds but who's counting) but, I've toned up a bit. The more I keep my promise to myself, the easier it is.

Now, if I can just leave the ice cream alone and NO...I'm not pregnant.

What tha feezy???

Ok, Ok....so I stole my title from a close friend who used to say that all the time. But, that's not the point...

So, I prayed for God to help me with my mouth. I can, at times, be quite sarcastic. I know, I know...That's really hard to believe but, it's true. I can be sarcastic and I can, at times, be a bit of a complainer. My prayer looked a little like this: Lord, these people can work my nerves and you know that I'm trying. PLEASE guard my mouth so I don't get smart or become sarcastic. Help me to be content with where I am and with who I am right now. Amen.

Yup. I thought I was set. I said my prayer and God's got me. And then, I get to work and what happens? A plethora of situations that carefully unfold and opportunities that present themselves for me to not only become sarcastic but, to get smart, rude...you name it. Before I realize what is happening, I'm in the aftermath of "running off at the mouth" and then I feel it...conviction. Hmmm...was that there before I snapped? Was I too busy getting upset to feel it?

It's funny (really, it's not), how you can pray for something and instead of God raining down buckets of faith/patience/self-control or any of the other six Fruit of the Spirit, He, instead, allows you to be put into situations to EXERCISE the Fruit He's already given you. And, like a muscle being ripped during a workout, we are strengthened through pain/trial.

So, maybe I can remember that next time because I surely missed the mark today...

Prayer for tomorrow: Lord, help me to remember today what I didn't remember yesterday. Amen.

Transparent Weaknesses

It's been a while since I've last made a post. I started this thing thinking that I would post a blog everyday. It didn't take long to realize that not only does that take a bit of time but also, a bit of inspiration. As much as I would like to think that my life is chock full of mindless inspirations, it's not. Well, maybe it is and maybe I need to slow down to see them.

I was just thinking. Instead of me waiting for some profound inspiration to hit me, why can't I just be myself? I deal with things just like the next person and, just like the next person, sometimes I feel alone in dealing with them.

I have had some personal issues that I've had to work through. Heck, let's be truthful. I'm still working through personal issues. I was thinking the other day about what God desires of us. Are lives changed with eloquent words and dynamic analogies or are people touched with real issues dealt with in real time? God wants transparency from us. We all fall short of His glory and this is not a competition about who has led the most perfect life. If it was, and we could win in our own right, Jesus would not have needed to come.

Does light shine better through a window with a rose colored filter on it or one that is completely transparent? I think we all know the answer to that. God can move so freely and shine so brightly through our transparent weaknesses. His word even says that He is made strong in our weaknesses. So why are we always trying to act like we're not weak? Why is being weak so...um, weak?

I think that we cover our weaknesses and faults because we are scared. We're scared of what other's will think or do. We're scared that exposing our self will make us vulnerable to the scrutiny of others. And quite honestly, it does. But, so what?

In the Bible (John 7:53-8:11), some religious men dragged a woman out of her adulterous bed and in before Jesus. At that time, women were stoned for committing such an act. The men were looking to Jesus for his take on the situation and were quick to quote the law of Moses. They prompted Jesus for an answer.

Jesus simply started drawing in the sand. He looked at them and simply said, "Let any of you who is without sin, throw the first stone." (I'm paraphrasing.) Then he started drawing in the sand again. One by one, everyone left.

Now, this story has always meant a lot to me. Maybe because Jesus was so unfazed by everyone's demands. He moved in his own time. Or it could be that Jesus, who actually was without sin, did nothing in retaliation toward the woman. He simply forgave her and sent her on her way. That's crazy to me.

When I became pregnant with my son, I wasn't married. I was looked down on by those who'll I'll describe as "religious men". I wonder what Jesus would have done. I'm thinking He would doodle in the sand, forgive me, and send me on my way.

I pray that my blog will be a platform for God to shine brightly through my transparency and for me to have the courage to be transparent.

Fear...the big invisible monster

Here it is...way past my bedtime. I have to get up early tomorrow morning and work all day. Why can't I go to sleep, you ask? Oh, that's simple. Fear.

I know what you're going to tell me: Pray and rebuke the devil. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. And yet, here it is again. Rearing it's ugly head and what am I doing? Writing about it.

It's amazing how I can just write a blog about casting cares on God and here I am, an hour or so later, casting my cares on him (for the 2nd time tonight). But, how many of you know that God is always there? How many of you know that he'll be there for the 3rd cast, the 4th? Turn to your neighbor...I'm just playing. Please don't turn to your neighbor and say anything (except that they soooo need to read this awesome blog :} ).

Normally, when you look at things from a distance, they seem smaller. The closer you get to the object, the bigger it gets. Fear works exactly opposite of that. From a distance, fear is huge. It's intimidating and the more you think about approaching whatever it is that has you fearful, the more fearful you get. You muster up the courage to take a step and amazingly, the fear you had begins to subside. The closer you get, the smaller the fear gets until there is nothing there.

Pray, rebuke, sing, shout...do everything you need to do to prepare but, do know. You will absolutely need to confront whatever the issue is that has you fearful. What am I doing to confront what I'm feeling right now? Well, I first acknowledge that I'm feeling this way. Then, I prayed/rebuked the spirit of fear. Then, I'm talking/writing about it. Lastly, I'm finding scriptures that speak against the fear I'm feeling. Keep in mind that it's just that, a feeling. A fickly, finicky, flighty feeling. A here today, gone tomorrow feeling.

So with that, I leave you with an oldie but goodie.

God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind.
                                                     ~2 Timothy 1:7

Forgiveness vs. Restoration

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.

~Unknown

I’m sure there are millions upon millions of people who need to work on forgiveness. I being one of them. I have a particular problem when the SAME person keeps doing things that would warrant my forgiveness. Any of you know what I mean? 

I had a conversation with my son recently. He had forgiveness and restoration confused. He thought that if he forgave someone then, his relationship with that person was supposed to go back to what it was. He said, “Mama, you gotta forgive and forget. That’s what the Bible says.” Does the Bible really say that? I mean, we act like it does.

I believe that acting like someone hasn’t wronged you is unwise. For instance, if I’m friends with someone who steals, (in my neck of the woods, we call that a thief) and they end up stealing from me, would it be wise to continue being their friend? In doing so, would it be wise to expect them to not do it again? I don’t think so. Personally, I would handle that person with an extendable ten foot pole.

I believe forgiveness is relieving that person’s charge. In the previously mentioned analogy, I would not hold it against my so-called friend but, I also would not restore our friendship. This does not mean I’d never be friends with that person again. Whatever relationship we were to have would take time, prayer, and a new installation of trust. I don’t think, however, that our friendship would be the same. And if they were a habitual offender? Sorry, Charlie!

In some cases, restoration is necessary. In a marriage or a family situation, you may need to restore your relationship. The first step still swings on true forgiveness.

I want to point out, too, that you’re not doing your offender any favors by holding this “grudge” against them. Pay attention to their life. Are they waiting at home for you to call them and let them off the hook? Are they sending you flowers every week, begging for your forgiveness? Are they texting or calling you periodically to make sure all is right in your world? Odds are, they are not.

The person that you are favoring by forgiving them is...*drumroll*...YOU! Take the following words to heart and know that I mean them with love:

GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE!

Disclaimer: The aforementioned text was also addressed to the writer of said text. Didn’t you read the first paragraph? So let’s, together, move on with our lives. Next!

Lord, may I borrow your smile today? (1/2/12)

I will forget my complaint, I will change my expression, and smile. 

~Job 9:26-28

I was recently watching “The Case for Faith” which is a documentary that exhibits the investigation of Lee Strobel into why people struggle with believing in God. While watching this documentary, there was one person in particular that pricked my heart. That person was Joni Eareckson Tada. 

Joni has been paralyzed from the shoulders down since she was 17 years old. She has had to endure multiple surgeries and a life bound to a wheelchair. In 1979, she started “Joni and Friends”, an international ministry to spread the gospel to the disabled around the world. 

Some of us would look at Joni’s situation and think, “Aw, man. That’s terrible.” Joni looks at her own situation and understands that God has made His presence known in her life through her suffering. Her paralysis has opened doors for her to bring His gospel around the world.

Just as a baby, who is getting vaccinations, has no idea that the pain he is enduring is for his benefit, we may not always understand. We can, however, trust and believe that God always is sovereign and that He loves us. We can reside in the fact that all things will come together for our good. (Rom. 8:28) 

Things may look bleak but, thankfully, faith is not what we see with our eyes. It is being sure of what we hope for and being certain of what we do not see. (Heb. 11:1)

“There are a lot of people who think I’m a strong person and I’m not. I am such a weak person...But when I start to feel overwhelmed, I’ll say, ‘Oh God. I have no strength for this day but, you do. I have no resources but, you do. May I please have your resources? May I please have your strength?...Please, let me borrow your smile for the day.”

                                                             ~Joni Eareckson Tada