To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.
~Unknown
I’m sure there are millions upon millions of people who need to work on forgiveness. I being one of them. I have a particular problem when the SAME person keeps doing things that would warrant my forgiveness. Any of you know what I mean?
I had a conversation with my son recently. He had forgiveness and restoration confused. He thought that if he forgave someone then, his relationship with that person was supposed to go back to what it was. He said, “Mama, you gotta forgive and forget. That’s what the Bible says.” Does the Bible really say that? I mean, we act like it does.
I believe that acting like someone hasn’t wronged you is unwise. For instance, if I’m friends with someone who steals, (in my neck of the woods, we call that a thief) and they end up stealing from me, would it be wise to continue being their friend? In doing so, would it be wise to expect them to not do it again? I don’t think so. Personally, I would handle that person with an extendable ten foot pole.
I believe forgiveness is relieving that person’s charge. In the previously mentioned analogy, I would not hold it against my so-called friend but, I also would not restore our friendship. This does not mean I’d never be friends with that person again. Whatever relationship we were to have would take time, prayer, and a new installation of trust. I don’t think, however, that our friendship would be the same. And if they were a habitual offender? Sorry, Charlie!
In some cases, restoration is necessary. In a marriage or a family situation, you may need to restore your relationship. The first step still swings on true forgiveness.
I want to point out, too, that you’re not doing your offender any favors by holding this “grudge” against them. Pay attention to their life. Are they waiting at home for you to call them and let them off the hook? Are they sending you flowers every week, begging for your forgiveness? Are they texting or calling you periodically to make sure all is right in your world? Odds are, they are not.
The person that you are favoring by forgiving them is...*drumroll*...YOU! Take the following words to heart and know that I mean them with love:
GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE!
Disclaimer: The aforementioned text was also addressed to the writer of said text. Didn’t you read the first paragraph? So let’s, together, move on with our lives. Next!